I'm in a difficult season of my life right now...a season of waiting on God's timing. Of course, God's timing does not seem to be MY timing, so this has been a challenge for me. I'm kind of at a crossroads where I'm wondering, "What's next?"
There are some desires of my heart where I feel like God is not answering my prayers. Well, I guess he IS answering, it's just that his answer seems to be "Wait, Steph." And since that's not the answer I'm looking for, I feel like he's not listening. In my 27 years of life, patience is a 'fruit of the spirit' I have not mastered. If I'm being honest, I haven't mastered any of them, but some areas are more difficult for me than others. At nearly 28 years old, I don't know that I'm any better at this than I was at Jackson's age.
In waiting, I've been able to really consider some things that I think I want. I'm analyzing them every way I can. I'm doubting if this is really the best decision; if these things will or should really happen.
I look back at other times in my life where God said, "Not now." Really, when I look back, the waiting periods were so difficult, but I am so glad I waited. The payoff was awesome. Even times where God said, "No, Steph-not this one, not now," he has always provided something later...something better than what I thought I wanted at that time. I trust God to take care of me, I trust that he knows the desires of my heart and wants to give them to me. The hard part is just enduring this time between.
"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."