This Mother's Day

This Mother's Day has got me feeling a little emotional. I miss my baby. I've been thinking that this month I should be finding out the sex of that little one. I should have a little belly showing. I should be making plans of how to decorate the nursery. I'm lonesome for that baby...that I never knew, never felt kick, never swaddled. But, God reminds me that I have so much to be thankful for this Mother's Day. I've got these guys.


I'm grateful for two healthy, happy children. I'm grateful for little boys who tell me that I'm pretty and that I smell good. I'm grateful that Cole always is the first to notice when I paint my toenails. I'm grateful that Jack likes to draw pictures of the girl superheroes just for me and hang them on my refrigerator. I'm grateful for the flowers (aka weeds) they pick for me every time they go outside. I'm thankful for the dead bugs, plastic army guys, and rocks that I find in their pockets when I'm doing the laundry. I'm thankful for the one-on-one snuggle time they each give me early in the morning. I like to smell their hair, the crease of their necks, and their morning breath.
I love to go in and check on them while they're sleeping. I pull the books and cars and superhero toys out of the tangled mess of blankets. They might stir and stretch just the same way they did as newborns in their bassinet. I tuck them in one last time and make sure they have their animals and blankets. And I stare...just for a minute. I watch them breathe...in and out...in and out. I brush their hair back, and with my finger I draw an imaginary line down their nose and trace their lips and kiss their mouth, and slowly close the door...and wish they would stop growing. Thank you Lord for what you've given...and taken away.