You Make Beautiful Things Out of the Dust

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the
new has come!" -2 Corinthians 5:17


God's is taking the ugly things in my life, my character, my attitude and he's shaping me to be more like him. I'm so far from where I need to be: I'm selfish, I use my tongue as a weapon, I dwell on the past, I hold grudges, I judge others, I'm a quitter, I'm stubborn, I let fear control me, I still try to do it all on my own. But...I'm growing. I'm learning to work on these things which will, for me, be a lifelong process considering what a mess I am, but that's all part of the journey, right?
I don't have a sweet story...it's ugly truth and shameful secrets and a past that I don't like to remember, but God is still showing me how I'm not defined by these things. I've come a long way from the kicking and screaming that I used to do, when he wanted me to use my testimony to glorify him. There used to be a security in perfection. The first year Jon and I were married, our biggest argument was about cleaning the house...not the lack of cleaning, but the obsessive cleaning. I couldn't sit still. I was always up scrubbing something or switching the laundry over or mopping the floors for the 3rd time that day. Jon wanted me to sit and relax and spend time with him, but I was held captive by the irrational thought that everything had to be perfect. It had to be perfect or I was afraid he would leave me. Looking back, I laugh at how little I knew about my husband then. He is not bothered in the least by a mess. He doesn't even notice. Isn't this just like God, and how He's not bothered by what a mess we are? We don't have to fix ourselves or 'clean house' before we begin a relationship with him. He says, "Come as you are." I'm starting to think that maybe a tattered, torn story really is what's beautiful. He's taken me and he's turning me into the opposite of what I used to be. Isn't that what a relationship with Christ is all about anyway? Many times in scripture God talks about making things new through Him...not by own merits or accomplishments. I'm a hard worker and I was taught that if you want something, you have to do it yourself. But God tells me exactly opposite...He tells me that Grace is something I can't earn, He tells me to rely on him, He tells me to ask.
He's turning something ugly into something beautiful...beautiful only because His name is written on it and His hands have touched it.



"He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." -Revelation 21:5

"Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind." -Isaiah 65:17

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." -Isaiah 43:18

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." -Ezekiel 36:26

My Baby is 6!

My, how time flies. Six years ago on July 21st, God blessed me with this little bundle of joy.




We had a great time celebrating Jack's birthday. This year instead of having a birthday party, Jackson chose to stay in a hotel downtown that he had been asking about for some time. It has a indoor pool perfect for kids, plus you can see the ballpark from your room. To top all this off, we got the room for free through a friend so we were really blessed and it made it even more special. We started out the evening by eating at Earl's, Jack's choice. Then we made a trip to the cupcake shop. We went back to our room and ate cupcakes and watched a little baseball.











After the game they did a fireworks show. I've never seen fireworks this close, it was incredible. Then we did a little swimming. It was a great birthday for a great boy and I can't think of a greater way to spend it.

Learning New from the Old

This weekend, my in-laws went out of town. Gary's mother has Alzheimer's and has been living with them for the last six months. Yesterday was my Mother-in-law's birthday and Gary wanted to take her away for a couple days to go fishing and relax. We have had the joy of spending the last two days caring for Mimi. I say joy because in these last twelve hours I've reflected on what's really important in life. I've been watching her: sit in her favorite chair and pick at her nails, and drift into and out of her own little world. Every now and then she comes back to us and carries on a conversation. Even though she repeats the same things over and over, I never grow tired of hearing stories of her childhood. Stories of living on a farm in Calvin, Oklahoma. She is a hard worker and has led quite a life. The wrinkles in her face seem to tell her story. She's a stubborn woman...stubborn in a good way. She's having a hard time letting go of her independence even though she seems to know she's not quite capable of keeping it up anymore. One thing seems to make her happy and that's the boys. Whenever they are around, she smiles and laughs and tells them what good boys they are. She doesn't seem bothered by their orneriness. She'll smile and say, "That's what little boys are supposed to do."

I worked in an Alzheimer's unit at a nursing home in college. I was a Nurses Assistant and the Activities Director. This disease has baffled me for quite some time. It's heart-wrenching to see someone revert back to child-like tendencies, to wander around aimlessly wondering what to do with themselves. Last night, she must've asked us where Gary and Gloria were four times. She seemed to get a glimmer in her eye when she asked, "So, I'm here alone this evening?" I had to explain to her that Jon and I were spending the night here too so she wasn't quite alone. Her face dropped and she closed her eyes. "I can stay by myself. I'll be just fine. So, you now have the burden of babysitting me, do you?"

"No, Mimi...we have the joy of spending time with you. You are NOT a burden." I put my hand on top of hers and her chin started to quiver. "I don't want to be a burden." My heart breaks for her. I'm holding back tears as we discuss how she just wants to go home. She tells me that she wants to go to her house and sit in her spot on her couch and be alone with her things. There's something comforting to us about "home". We learn this early in our lives that it's a place of solace, peace, a place where you feel at ease. I want her to be at ease.


We continue to talk a while and finally around 7:30, she tells me she's headed to bed. This morning she seems refreshed and ready to start over again. I know the same questions will happen today just as they did yesterday.

It made me think how this earth is not our home. Our home is with our Heavenly Father. It makes me long for Heaven. So, today I'm thankful for simple things. I'm thankful for health, for my independence, for a roof over my head. I'm thankful for my children and the innocence and joy that only children can bring. I'm thankful for being able to pick veggies out of the garden this morning and the sun that beats down on my back. I'm thankful for the cool relief from the swimming pool. I'm thankful for my mid-afternoon nap that I'll take. I'm thankful for my dog to keep me company. I'm thankful for good memories I have. I'm thankful for Mimi. I'm thankful for what joy she has brought to our family and lessons that she still teaches me today...whether she realizes it or not. Her worth is invaluable to me.

God is Close to the Brokenhearted

I heard this song today and I felt like it summed up my journey right now. This year I've endured the biggest heartaches that I have ever walked through in my life. It was an encouragement to me and reminded me that God is close to the brokenhearted. I hope it's an encouragement to you as well.



"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

Dirty Little Secret

So, today I did something I've been putting off for a really long time...I vacuumed under all my couch cushions. I was appalled at all the stuff that was in there...embarrassed, actually. Most of my friends know me as a very perfectionistic cleaner, but this would make some of my friends' eyes bug out. Let's just say my kids haven't eaten jelly beans since LAST Easter...LAST, not THIS Easter.

Anyway, here's some of the loot, minus the two year old jelly beans, thousands of crumbs of something, a lollipop stick, cereal, hair, old popcorn, 2 Cheez-Its, and something sticky.



We did hit the jackpot though when we found the lost DVD remote, and Jack's Iron Man action figure that he lost sometime last year.

The old Iron Man and the new Iron Man.


Cole enjoyed his day while lying in his tent made with couch cushions and blankets. He was a real peach today...and by peach, I mean turd.





Who knew cleaning out the couch could be this fun?

Confessions of a Mommy

I have some confessions I'd like to make. I really need to get some things off my chest that I've been feeling a little guilty about. So...here goes nothin'.

Confession No. 1: When vacuuming, I sometimes purposely suck up Jack's Legos. I know it's terrible but I get so sick and tired of telling him to pick those little pieces up and I also get tired of bending over, so...

Confession No. 2: I ate half of the carton Blue Bunny Pralines and Cream frozen yogurt the other day at nap time. When Jack asked what I did during nap time, I told him I folded laundry.

Confession No. 3: When Cole asks me to "Watch dis Mom," I usually look away right as he's doing it and say, "Yay!" He says, "Did you see dat?" and I say, "Uh-huh...that was awesome!"

Confession No. 4: When I've had a day where I'm about to lose it because someone is yet again pitching a fit about something, I sometimes get down on the same age level as the boys and antagonize them a little bit. For example, Cole starts crying because he doesn't want to take a nap, so I call him a crybaby. And he says, "I not a crybaby." And I'll say, "Yep, crybaby. That's why you still take a nap, because you act like a little baby and cry, crybaby." It's really juvenile and mean, but it usually makes him stop crying and it just makes me feel better...so, there.

Confession No. 5: Sometimes I lock the kids out in the backyard while they're playing and ignore all the, "Hey, moms'!" About 20 minutes later I'll finally go unlock the door and act like I never heard when they called my name 142 times.

Whew! I feel better, now. Thanks for listening to my mommy confessions!

Money, Money, Money, Money...Mun-nay!

We're on a new debt diet. Jon and I have decided that there are many areas of our life where we need more restrictions and finances is just one of them. We've been discussing the pros and cons of this for a couple of months now, but it's taken us this long to actually do something about it. After much prayer and self-realization, we have realized that we spend entirely to much of our hard-earned cash on frivolous things instead of necessities. Did you know that eating out and HD cable with DVR are NOT necessities? I didn't either. In fact, they feel VERY necessary to me. At the end of a long day with two boys, all I want to do is sit in my "Ma chair" and watch Housewives...of NYC, New 'Joisey', OC...it's a ridiculous addiction and I'm not proud to admit it. And when it's literally a boiling 192 degrees outside...okay, not literally, but it sure feels close, I don't want to cook. Even as much as I do enjoy cooking, I don't like the preparation of making sure I have everything I need from the store, because I never do have everything. I don't like the heating of my kitchen that comes with using the stove top or oven, and I don't enjoy all the cleanup. Sometimes a girl just needs some good Mexican food, ya know?! Jon added up how much we spent on eating out the last month and it was absolutely appalling. And the most sickening part of it was that most of it wasn't even good food...it was quick drive-thru meals on our way to tball practice or soccer games, or out of desperation because there was no way that I could make a meal out of the only three ingredients I had in my fridge that day. It was wasteful spending. We got to looking at what other wasteful spending was going on in our checkbook and it was nauseating. So...thus, the debt diet. Not even debt, really...so, financial restriction diet, I guess I'll call it.
Isn't it interesting how you can look back over the years and see that the more your income increases, so does the spending? I can remember the first year Jon and I were married. We both worked at that time...although I hardly really ever got paid. I made a measly $12,000 that year as an office manager for a dental practice, but it was still a great job. Jon has always been our breadwinner. His first year as a salesman he worked inside and when he became an outside salesman, he began making commission on top of his regular salary. His first commission check was $900 and we both had to pick up our jaws off the floor when we opened that...we thought we were rich...what young, in-love idiots we were! Now a $900 commission check would leave us starving. But instead of staying within the realms of how we lived that first year of marriage, we upgraded on many things...things that we never really needed. Things that really have since then not been so beneficial...such as 700 cable channels. Who in the world needs 700 cable channels? So, as we sat and watched our 700 cable channels, and ate our dinners out, and accustomed our way of thinking to the "we need more" mentality...our butts got bigger, we spent less time talking and reading and enjoying nights sitting out by the fire pit, and taking our dog for walks. So...we're going back to the necessities. We're focusing on the cheaper side of life, and the more beneficial. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh...could one of you please DVR Housewives for me? I might go through withdrawals if I quit everything all at once, you know? I mean...safety first.